3 Nov 2010: Returning to Paropakar

After my obligations with Dr. Pant, I rush back to Paropakar and walk straight upstairs to the SCBU – Special Care Baby Unit.

Ghane is alone; I sit down on her chair next to her, and everything is quiet around us now. As I start talking to her in a low voice, like I would to Sebastian, her mouth turns downwards in a silent cry and she starts sobbing – first, without a sound, then loud, long wanes come out of her little mouth as she looks at me.

I’m not quite sure how to interpret this – is she in pain? Or totally overstimulated by my different approach to her? Or expressing a piled-up sorrow and despair which noone has had time so far to sit down and listen to?

I gently calm her down and start rubbing her arms and legs – the dirt rolls off in little bits.

By the end of the afternoon, we have grown accustomed to each other’s presence, and Ghane has been cleaned with my Danish wet-napkins from head to toe. She is fast asleep as I walk out the door.

 

I get back to the hotel and go out for dinner alone; at the balcony of the restaurant, facing busy Thamel-streets, my feelings overwhelm me completely – this is insane! I’m here, in one of the world’s poorest countries, trying to help a very sick little girl who, aside from her physical condition, is completely unused to love, affection and comfort from another human being. What will happen? Can she be treated? Can she learn to love and receive love? With all these people I have involved in my journey, in mine and Ghane’s journey, how will it all end? I cry down into my spicy curry, call Christian and smoke a cigarette for the first time in years.